Decision of a lifetime

What is the best way to get out of a catch 22 situation, especially when it decides the future of two individuals?

Naina was sitting next to the phone, her face hidden behind her palms. She was sitting in this position from the last 4 hours, deciding whether to make the call or not. Either way the loss was her. She was cursing today’s unfateful morning when she got the devastating news. She felt as if her legs were too frail and thin to support her weight and she just tripped over. She lay there for a few seconds and then gathered all her strength to somehow place her body over the couch. Since then 4 hours had passed sitting in the same position. She picked up the receiver, still unsure about her decision, and dialled a number.

He was sitting next to the phone waiting for her call. He was cursing today’s unfateful morning when he came to know that someone had told her everything she was not supposed to know. He was sure that she will call him so he was sitting next to the phone since morning. A lot of time had passed and there was no sign of her call. But he can wait a few more hours. All he was supposed to do was to wait, watching the red coloured phone with shiny white buttons. Anytime this red plastic could ring to life bringing with it the message of his survival, but the negative was also possible. All he could do was waiting and he was doing this patiently.

The number was undoubtedly his because she had dialled it without seeing in her diary and there was only one phone number in the world which she had ever memorised.

He picked up as soon as the phone rang.

“Aman?” she asked in her usually sweet voice.

“Who else it could be, Naina”

“Funny. I called to say um........”

“I know, I know. Suvrat told me everything in the morning. So....what do you have to say?”

Naina paused for a while, closed her eyes to search for an appropriate sentence, and said nothing when she found out that the courage to start such a discussion was missing.

Aman somehow understood this and decided to carry on the conversation all by himself.

“You know Naina; first of all I am sorry for all the mess I have put you in.”

“It’s not just a mess Aman and you know that very well. It’s a matter of life and death for people.”

“Yeah I know that. But you tell me just one thing, what wrong have I done?”

“You knew all of it from the beginning Aman, you just never told me.”

“I don’t think that it is some kind of crime to not tell you about people you do not love. Or is it? Look he loved you but you never looked at him in that way. There are many people in this little world who may have loved you; many of them may have even wanted to marry you. But the point is that you never loved them and that is why they are insignificant for our relation. You love me and I love you, as simple as that.”

“He was your friend Aman, your best friend, how can you propose to a girl whom your friend loves. Does your conscience allow you to do so? Just ask yourself once”.

“I already thought Naina, I’ve been thinking over it from the last one year and the conclusion with which I came out is that this is my true love for you, so nothing surpasses it.”

“Not even your best friend? Huh?”

“It’s not like that Naina. Just think practically. Is there any rule written that I shall not love the girl whom my friend loves, even if she does not love him?”

Naina closed his eyes once again, tightly this time.

“I need a second.”

“Ok, I’ll hold.”

She put the receiver down on the table, to the left of the phone. Aman was waiting; all sorts of thoughts were flooding his mind.

She sank into the chair, rested her elbows on the table and palms on her forehead. She began to think, all kinds of memories zoomed past before her still closed eyes. And there he was, Manas. He was always the kind of boy girls never liked to talk to. Every day he came to school with his hair oiled copiously, combed straight and he always curled up in the front corner seat. His only friend was Aman, a good looking, smart boy. None of their personalities matched but still they were best friends. Naina, Aman and Manas were classmates and with time she became the third member of their small group.

Naina used to be a little shy girl during her school days, intelligence had always impressed her and Manas had much of it. So it was just a matter of time that they got close. Although Manas appeared to be boring guy, he had got all necessary skills to cheer people up even in very bad mood. So as their friendship strengthened Naina found her life happier, more promising and full of opportunities. But she never knew that he loved her.

She woke up from her sleep of memories and found the receiver waiting for her. She picked it up; Aman was still there, waiting. He loved her, no doubt.

“See Aman I need to talk to Manas....right now. Can you pick me up please?”

Aman hung up without saying a word.

After 5 minutes or so, Aman was waiting outside her house in his car.

“Thanks for coming Aman.”

“Naina....uh.....are you sure? I mean is this necessary?”

She chose to remain silent.

All the way up to Manas’s home both of them said nothing. Tension in the air was clearly visible. A day before, they used to be the most talkative couple in college.’

When they stopped, she broke the silence, “I’m sorry Aman but I need to do this.”

He understood,” It’s Ok, I’ll wait here. Go ahead”

Aman didn’t had the slightest idea of what she was going to do.

Manas was sitting on a rocking chair in his room, lights all off. He was visible due to the faint light which came in through the door where Naina was standing. He turned back to see who was at the door. He saw a silhouette, he saw Naina. A shiver came down his spine for a second. But in the next, his gloom doubled. Strange was this feeling when one simultaneously experienced both extremities of human emotion.

They stared into each others’ eyes for a moment, trying to talk through them.

“Naina please don’t say anything. I just want you to be happy and I don’t care whether you are with me or anyone else.......Please Naina.”

She came close to him, he stood and they were face to face. She slapped him hard in the face.

“All these years......all these years you.....you just never had the courage, huh”, she turned around and sobbed. He kept his hand on her shoulder and she quickly gave a jerk to remove it.

“Naina......”

“Please don’t say anything, please. You have said and done enough to ruin my life. Why didn’t you just say it?”

“I always wanted you to be free to choose. You chose Aman and that’s it. I stand nowhere in the story.”

“So you can now read my mind, hmm? How do you know that Aman was my first choice.....how do you know that it wasn’t you?”

“Because it just can’t be me. I don’t fit anywhere.”

She looked into his eyes and said,

“It was you Manas......always”, and then there was the damned silence.

Manas looked at her in disbelief. He looked deep into her eyes, two tears rolled down her cheek. She moved her lips to say something but failing to do so, turned her back to him and wept.

He was still shocked, not sure about what he had just heard. All those school days zoomed past his eyes. He remembered the first day when Aman had introduced them. She was a sweet, cute girl with astonishing blue eyes. It was love at first sight and love for a lifetime.

“I don’t believe you Naina, it maybe just out of sympathy for me, I mean it may be.....”

She turned around,” Don’t believe me? What do you mean? You were the one who taught me how to live one’s life like a real life which others can only crave for. You were the only one whom I liked talking to after witnessing all those family fights. And you say you don’t believe me? I confided in you Manas.”

“But Naina things are different now. You love Aman and he loves you. Isn’t it?”

Naina was dumbstruck; she had forgotten about Aman for a while. Although Manas was her first love, she was with Aman now. Aman who loved her more than anything in the world, who would leave everything for her, who would turn the world upside down just for one smile of hers. She cannot betray him. Once again the ghastly silence prevailed.

A third voice broke the silence, “No it isn’t so.”

It was Aman standing at the door.

“Forgive me Manas, if it’s possible”, he said and left.

Manas tried to say something but Aman was already gone.

Naina was truly shocked. In a moment she was left with nothing. Manas would not accept him because she and Aman were together. And Aman will feel guilty all his life for unknowingly betraying his best friend. Her happy life had turned into a pile of cinders, waiting to get blown away.

She looked at Manas; he was already so much shocked today to say anything more. He was sitting in his rocking chair, staring blankly into the ceiling.

She left quietly and he said nothing to stop her.

All the way back to her home she kept thinking about a solution. When she finally reached her home, she had made up her mind. The root cause of the devastation of their lives was just one- she herself. So it was time to end her useless life. She didn’t think about the consequences, just picked up the bottle of sleeping pills and emptied it on her palm. And then.....her phone rang.

It was Aman.

“I’m sorry Naina, I never knew. You should have told me. I’d never have bothered you people.”

“Don’t be sorry Aman. It’s all my fault. I just need some time to.......”

“Bye Naina......I love you.”

“Aman......”, but he had hung up.

She felt something. Something was not right. He dialled Aman’s number. The phone rang and rang, there was no reply.

She ran out of her house and rushed to Aman’s place. When she reached there, the door was ajar. She stepped inside calling his name.

She reached his bedroom. Aman lay on his bed, peacefully. His lifeless hand hung from one corner of the bed with a bottle clutched in its palm.

Naina dropped on her knees and cried like a child. Aman’s decision of a lifetime had cost him his life.

The Reunion

    He quickly ran inside the nearest makeshift building and hid himself behind the wall. He looked around; four tables were lying at the four corners, each accompanied by a wooden chair. On each table was kept a phone, a satellite phone. It was the phone booth of the military camp. As he was making maximum use of his vision to search for something useful, he felt as if something was melting the bones of his legs, and he fell on the ground. For a moment he lay there, motionless. He gathered all his remnant energy and dragged himself towards the wall so as to sit by resting his back at it. He closed his eyes to recover from the pain. After a while he opened them and looked at his chest. The right portion of his all new, well creased uniform had developed a large hole right at the place where his name was written once. It was all drenched with blood and was getting filthy from the mud which stuck to it. The bullet from the sniper at the parapet of the opposite building had done the damage. He realized that he was not going to live longer but still he opened his backpack to take out the first aid kit. His right hand was all lifeless so he had to use the other one to fill the wound with all the antiseptic he had, cover it with a big piece of cotton and then tie a bandage around it. The fresh white cotton and the bandage turned all red as soon as the wound touched them. He closed his eyes to rest for a while, and in his last moments thought about everyone he had known, his father, his mother…….the reel of thoughts stuck at one place.

He opened his eyes and looked around once again, and again all he could see was phones at each corner. Should he make a call? His question was followed by sound of heavy gunfire and it seemed that the sound had hidden the answer. He raised himself a bit and dragged his body to the nearest table. The table was not too high and with a little effort he got the receiver and put it on the ground. His fingers automatically dialled a number. There was no need to recall the number. He heard the phone ringing at the other end and after a few moments, a female voice answered,

“Hello! “, she said.

A shiver ran down his spine. He forgot all about his wound, even that he was in the battlefield. He had heard this voice after 7 years. He wanted to take its imprint in his mind so deep so that he may be able to recall it when he will live in the heavens forever.

“Hello”, she said again, “who’s this?”

He decided for a moment whether to speak or not.

“Hello Nisha! It’s me”, he whispered.

She recognized the voice at once.

“Aditya? Is it you? After such a long time! How are you? Where are you?”

He smiled and said to himself “how can I tell you that I am counting my last breaths…I don’t have the courage.”

“I’m alright dear, just wanted to hear your voice.”

There was silence for a while. Perhaps she was trying to make out something from his words.

“Hear my voice...is it? It’s too late at night. Even the academy failed to improve your habit of sleeping late. Isn’t it?”

She seemed to be in a very good mood. She was the same girl as she used to be 7 years ago, all cheerful and full of life. She always wanted to make her boyfriend a perfect person. And he always failed to reach her standards.

“You haven’t forgotten the Academy yet?” his voice was shrilling due to his decreasing energy.

“How can I ever forget that damn place” Her tone was a mixture of anger and sorrow.

 

Aditya and Nisha made an ideal couple according to their friends. But Nisha’s parents were ready to marry them only if Aditya set up a business like her father. But Aditya’s father, being a Colonel in the Army wanted him to be an army man. In fact it was his last wish, so he was bound to fulfil it. Nisha tried hard to convince her parents, but they strongly believed that army men never had time for their families, so all her efforts were in vain. She never opposed Aditya’s decision. They loved each other very much but were also conscious of their parents’ status in the society, so marrying against their will was not possible. On the day of his joining of the Academy, they met and promised never to interfere in each others’ lives whatever the circumstances may be. The decision seemed to be a tough one but it proved to be tougher than thought and the result was that they were talking once again now after a long period of 7 years.

 

Aditya smiled at her answer.

“Ya a damn place of course. It separated us and……..”

She interrupted, “Aditya......please.”

“I know it hurts……OK…. So what are you doing these days? Have you added some fat or you’re the same lean and thin Nisha? And by the way how many children you have?” and he smiled perhaps to make the atmosphere a little lighter. But as he smiled his wound threw a severe pain. A tear fell off his eyes, on his shirt right above the heart. It was undecided that whether the cause of the tear was in the wound or in the heart.

“Stop joking. You’ve not improved a bit in these years. How can you ask about my children in such a way? I don’t have any. Wasn’t my marriage to some other person enough to you? It hurts Aditya, it hurts a lot.” And she choked.

He identified the swarming emotions in her voice .It showed that she too had missed him badly in these years. But death was calling him now. At this moment all he wanted was to hold her hand, look into her eyes and say I Love You. But this was not possible. All he could do was to hear her sweet voice, till he remained alive.

She was speaking again, “Where were you all these days? I thought that you will come on the day of my marriage, and take me away in front of the whole world watching and…..”

“You mean to say that I would have taken our promise as worthless. It had no value? Our love had no value? Our commitment was weak? Do you wish to say this?”

And this time she couldn’t stop herself from breaking into tears. She was weeping now but silently.

“Aditya you…you know that I can never mean that. I…I just wanted to hear from you….just wanted to hear that…you loved me. Just once…...It would have given me enough strength to oppose the world, strength to live without you.”

 

He was shocked for a while. He had waited all his life to hear this and when his wish had come true, life was slipping away from him.

 

“I love you Nisha, I will always love you.”

And she wept once again. For a few moments both of them failed to say anything, they were feeling each other, recalling those days when they used to be together. They felt the heartbeats of each other.

 

Now he wished that he had a few more years to live. For a little more time with his beloved, he was ready to die hundred more times, sacrifice all his lives, for just a few more days to be spent with her. But all this was not possible. He was taking pity on his miserable condition. He wanted to live anyhow but a fresh pinch in the wound brought him back to the real world, a world waiting for his death.

He was not going to die while she cried, he tried to console her.

“Please don’t cry Nisha…..please”

But she didn’t stop.

“Don’t stop me Aditya; since we parted I’d lived each second of my life waiting for a moment like this. Let me make my soul lighter.”

 

As blood oozed from his wound his energy was deteriorating very fast. Now his hand holding the receiver had started trembling. In a few minutes he will be lifeless. Should he tell her that he was going to die, that he was going to die in the next few moments while talking to her. But how? He was still not able to gather enough courage.

And the answer came. Something hit the wall on the opposite side and within seconds the wall was blasted to rubble. Fortunately he was not hit but the shockwaves sucked some more soul off his body. Nisha too heard the loud sound of explosion.

“What was that Aditya?” she asked in a worried tone.

No answer came.

“Adi…..are you alright?” she was getting nervous now.

Still no answer came. She was numbed.

He gathered the last specs of his energy and spoke into the receiver which he could now barely hold.

“I…..I’m sorry Nisha”.

His voice refilled her with life, but now she was getting worried.

“Where the hell are you? And what you mean by sorry? Please Aditya tell me.” Fear was prominent in her voice.

“I’m…..I’m in the battlefield dear…..for my country…..for our country.”

It was enough for her to make out what had happened. Nobody in battle field would feel an urge to make a call to someone unless…..even the thought was unthinkable. She was deeply shaken.

For a while she felt that it was a nightmare and it’ll end when she wakes up.

But soon she realized that it surely wasn’t.

 

Tears were oozing from her eyes, but she was not sobbing. It was time now, because there was not going to be any second chance for her.

“Adi I know what is your condition at this time and…”

“Nisha….” his voice was hardly audible now, “Nisha I don’t want to die......I.....I want to live with you.”

“Me too”, she said and wept, more bitterly than ever.

Aditya perhaps got the meaning of what she had said, and for the first and last time in his life he wept.

“Please don’t say that....It can’t be.”

He was struggling to prevent her voice from choking.

“Yes Adi…I have few more days to live.”

 

Academy had taught him to be very tough in the battlefield, no place for any kind of human feelings and emotions, just hate for the enemy. But now the best cadet of the Academy lay here in a half blown phone booth, fatally injured and weeping, pleading to God to grant him few more days of life!

That was the power of pure love.

 

While he wept silently, a thought struck his mind and all his grief vanished instantly. They were getting the opportunity to live together under the guardianship of The Almighty. Under normal circumstances this thought may have appeared awkward to them but when a person sees death, his philosophy of life changes. The same was happening with both of them.

“Hey Nisha! There is nothing to be sad of, you should be happy that we have our place together in the heavens.” Neither he could say ‘come soon’ nor could he say ‘do not come’. In both the cases the defeat was his.

He felt as if everything was fading away before his eyes, the moment had come. He tried to move his lips to bid his final Good Bye to Nisha, but he failed. His hand lost hold of the receiver and it fell on the ground with a soft thud.

Nisha shouted, “Aditya... Aditya?”, but no reply came.

His head hung lifelessly from his body, eyes open, looking into the heavens.

Nisha fell on her knees, staring into nothing. She cried and cried until dawn and at one moment she heard someone calling her. She dropped on the floor, the receiver still clutched tightly. The reunion was accomplished, the reunion which was divine

Neighbours- My first hand experience

Natthu was sitting in the small veranda of his small house with his wife, trying to shake off the heat of the day in dying sun. His wife Meenu was playing with their 6 month old daughter.

“Ae Meenu, looks like Shyamlal is not well from the past few days. I can hear him vomiting in the middle of every night.”

“Yes, perhaps he his counting his last days”, she gave a cold reply.

“Should we go and see him? I mean just for a while?”

She stared at him for a second and said,” Even if a dog of this village saw you entering or coming out of his house, you know all of us will be thrown out of the village. What about Muniya’s future then?”

Their little daughter smiled delightfully, perhaps at the mention of her name.

Natthu took a deep breath, and stared into the sun directly which was spreading last lot of its rays on his crops. He looked at his daughter, who was still smiling, and thought,” Is this the only thing which can darken the future of my daughter?”

 

Darkness soon engulfed the village. Natthu and his small family were eating millet chapattis when he heard a noise from the other side of the wall, Shyamlal’s house. He stopped eating and tried to listen what the noise was about. But not a word was understandable. He stood and washed his hands. He noticed that Meenu was staring blankly into his face.

“Don’t worry.” he said. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

She said nothing, just looked pitifully at her little daughter.

Natthu, covering his face with a piece of cloth, walked to the door of his house and peeped outside. Not even a single soul was visible in the dark. He then looked at the door of Shyamlal’s house. A flicker of light from inside showed that the door was ajar. The noise was still coming from the house but still he could not understand anything. All he could make out was that of several people speaking. Was Shyamlal dead? The thought of his neighbour’s death gave him enough courage to go to his house. He once again looked around. Walking low and noiselessly he reached at the door of Shyamlal’s house. He thought of knocking but the more time he stood outside his house, the darker the future of his daughter appeared to him. So he quickly went inside the house and closed the door behind him. As he turned he saw all three sons of Shyamlal standing together. They were apparently having a heated discussion over something.

“All mango trees will be mine I’m saying this for the last time. Let’s do it fast and make the arrangements as it is getting late”, said the eldest son.

“No bhaiya. You can’t take that all alone. It has to be divided among us equally”, replied the youngest son.

The middle son spoke instantly,” No. I’ll take.....”

He paused as he had seen Natthu standing at the door. The eldest one greeted him and said,” Natthu bhaisaab! Glad to see that at least our father’s neighbour has come to see him.”

“But where is your father? Is he alright?” asked Natthu.

They looked into each other’s faces. After a pause the eldest one spoke in an utmost plain voice,” You don’t know? He died this morning.”

All three of them moved aside to show something. There lay Shyamlal’s lifeless body on a large block of ice.

Natthu stood aghast for a while and then looked into the emotionless faces of all three of them. All three of his beloved sons were standing besides his corpse with full confidence as if nothing had happened.

Without saying a word he left. He wondered how just two neighbouring houses can accommodate such wide variety of people.

 

Belief: An experience

He thought of himself as the best among others. Whenever he walked on the streets he always kept his nose high in the air in a sense of pride, in a sense of being better than the others. Once sitting by the lake at the other end of his village his best friend had asked,” Do you think you are sharp enough to survive in this brutal world, the world which looks down upon us like some useless filth?” He had just smiled it off. But since then he had been thinking about what he has which others don’t, the substance which will promise his long survival. After much pondering he came out with the solution that he was taller and stronger as compared to all others in the village. So this conclusion had brought a sense of superiority in him.

            His mother had lots of dreams about him. She was also convinced that his son had something different in him and would be successful someday. His father had left them as soon he was born so his mother and her dreams was all he had.

            Today was his first test and first chance to show others that he was better. He and his best friend had fought over Sona. They both liked her and wanted to be a part of her life. But only one of them would be able to do so. So they agreed upon a simple, manly solution. They went up to a state highway. Whoever crossed the coming vehicle with smaller margin would be the winner. He thought of it as a simple challenge as he was way too strong than his friend. He would cross the road swiftly in no time. But then there was also a fear of failure, a fear of ‘what if?’. He would lose her forever.

            He decided to go first. He saw a white car coming from one side. His friend nodded in approval. He took a deep breath and fixed his eyes upon the car. It came closer and closer with furious speed, and whooshed past them.

His friend asked,” What? You don’t have the courage or what? Let me go first.”

            He nodded in disapproval. He was the best so he will go first. But things were different this time. The car had frightened him a bit, but as he was stronger he was able to do it (at least he thought so).

A bus appeared at the end of the highway. It was not moving as fast as the car so it was easy to cross it from a lesser distance. He smiled at his luck and his friend gazed awfully at the bus.

            The bus was coming closer. He waited and waited. The bus was now very close. He still waited for a while and ran to get across. The driver saw him coming and reacted immediately by pressing on the brakes with all his strength. All the people inside the bus felt a violent jerk. Some of them even screamed. His friend watched in horror. There was a little noise, perhaps of breaking bones and his corpse was lying on the highway, drenched in blood. The bus tyres passed just over his ribcage, crushing it to small pieces. The bus didn’t stop though. The people inside the bus looked out at his blood covered body and yelled at the driver. The driver replied,” Come on guys what’s the fuss about, it’s just a stray dog.”

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